There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
