Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize