you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize