sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.