She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.