Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
