my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
