Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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