did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
