Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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