Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
