I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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