If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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