I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
