You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
