So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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