She's JV to your varsity
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
