You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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