Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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