i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
