I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
