He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My bed smells like the plague
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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