I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
