If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
