Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize