True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sex in a hospital.. check
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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