do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
