Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
either way he was missing a nipple.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You made out with two different species that night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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