I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
