'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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