I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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