Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
