This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
