That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
