You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
