he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
