Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
