he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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