Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
