i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
