She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
