Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
