Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
