people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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