i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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