I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
