I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
