We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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