Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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