I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
