I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
