I wish I could teleport
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
