i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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