I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This house was built for laser tag.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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