You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
