So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
