I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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