If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he thought i was a dude.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
