I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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