I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
