6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Life is so much better after having sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
