I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
