I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
