That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize