the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
