I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He had one of those small greek statue penises
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
