I must be too annoying 4 u.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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