I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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