What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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